Taste of My Own Medicine

It tastes bitter as it goes down
Aftertaste of confusion found
All I want is to be with you
I won’t be fine if you don’t want to
Please
Let me through your wall
You pull away, and then I fall
I don’t like this state that I am in
A taste of my own medicine

Not Used To It

There's no mistake, I'm in love with you
And I know, misery is what we're used to
But it's like going against nature naturally
We're born to struggle, but with you I feel free
Can't we just forget about the past?
I'd like to be brand new at last
Because I don't feel like I deserve to smile
But fuck it, I won't question it, I won't deny
I feel as insecure as you
I've never been this happy too
But if being out of place is the cost
Then let's rendezvous at the Bureau of Lost

Fuck it, I'm in love.

I'm happy, why is it harder to write?
Just let me compare you to the moonlight
So bright, you make darkness non-existent
Rising the tide so the land ain't so distant
Love is the way I look at you
Look at me, read my eyes true boo
Refreshing like a Red Headed Slut
I want you more than waiting an hour for some Pizza Hut
With the munchies, you make me feel like brand new money
Unspent energy all day, burned up when it's just you and me
Honestly, even if they're on the other side of the door
We can unwind in the privacy of the bathroom floor
My hands are made to relieve your stress
I won't ever use them to oppress and possess
I love how we obsess about the next time we meet
How you make me feel like I can never be offbeat
Because you'll beat on the drum in a whole new pattern
You make me want to one day own rings like Saturn
I ain't southern, but I say "yes ma'am," it's just factual
That I don't say the "n" word 'cause I think it's disrespectful
With you I feel like things can only get better
I expect nothing less from a couple of go-getta's
Room service, bathrobes, eating peaches and cream
Do Not Disturb sign on the door, don't care if they hear our screams
Who would've thought American Gangster can start a love story
Who says it's a bad first date if you watch a movie?
'Cause we hit it off like Barry Bonds all pumped up after a shot
And we defied all expectations anyone has forethought
I feel free like never ever setting off the alarms
Liberty is the feeling of being caught in your arms

Blind

I know this is not unconditional
We're just in the dark running into walls
More interested in protecting ourselves
Putting more trophies into our shelves
Best Comeback, Most Right Answers, Most Likely To Not Change
How many hurtful sentences are we willing to exchange?
I feel deranged
With how much of myself I've modified
Just so I can better fit the profile
So you would always have that smile
I can accurately say that I did change for the better
But I can't let go of me altogether
If you can't accept me for who I am right now
Then this won't work
I can't see how.

Partner

Woke up, you had the same clothes on
You had on last night
Hell yea you passed out
But you don't have to work so hard
Cuz every other Friday
You know they pass my check out

Got a computer desk waiting at work
Getting paid more than my job is worth
My momma said "Damn baby what's your net worth?"
But I didn't say shit though she put me on earth
Now everday I'm working nine to five
I pray to God thanking him for life
That I have my family and I have my man
I come home to you and you gotta understand

Hello beloved one
Do you know what I want?
Let me see your face once more
I don't need a provider
Come on let's hit the sheets tonight

Hello beloved one
Do you know what I want?
Let me see your face once more
I just need a partner
I just want to hold you tonight

You say you want to buy me the world
Pay my student loans
You don't have to but
Go ahead boo
You know I wouldn't be with a bum
Especially coming from where I'm from
I just need a companion babe
And I've got you

No one might have said this before
But I'll spoil you until you have a rotten core
New kicks, new gear, new whatever you want
As long as you drive, I'll be riding shot gun
We can share the bills, got each other's backs
GPS when you don't know where you're at
I don't want us to be another sap love story
Cuz real love does include how you share the money

Cardiogenic Shock

Holographic mist of false security
Unable to sustain even fictive empathy
Delusive expectations in a faithless trust
Would rather be ignored than recieve fake interest
Fake, faux, imitation, simulated care
Deceitful, counterfeited moments that weren't really there
Pros that make the day up, bromidic cons will kill
Why keep the resistance when the cause will make you ill

Magnificent

No, sorry I can't accept the sound
Of you saying that I think you're boring now
No baby boy, you must be out of your mind
When you know you catch me staring at you all the time
And I try to avert my gaze
I don't mean to stare, but you just amaze me
Every single day when you come home to me
You know you're the only man I see
Who's not a celebrity, haha
And even though you're no Kobe Bryant
You do things for me that the others haven't
You're not fluent in Italian
But you know how to talk to this woman
And when you bend over to pick something up
You know I'm there with a lil tap and cup
I'm not just being silly
I really do want you baby
And when I hug you, I hope you realize
That I think you surpass all the other guys
Baby you're the description of magnificent
You can count on me that I won't be transient
I'm here for the long run baby boy
I can see our relationship being as strong as titanium alloy
I'm still shocked that I have you
Can you imagine if I took a different route?
Just went on my way, threw that
Myspace message out?
Well I'm just glad I didn't
Your personality is so potent
It matches me perfectly
I want to get to that point where
You can't see you without me
When I look at you I see a man
Who will always take my hand
Show me how to rise above
Maybe one day we'll fall in love
But for today let's just be
And see that you make up so much of me

I wrote this when I was having a headache

We're the mistake of our parents
What's left of the God sent
The lazy afternoons
When mom and dad never went
We're what they never wanted us to be
Repeating in their history
But we will never know
Because "they don't even talk to me"
We're the followers of media
Intrinsic factor to the anemia
Sad how we need to supplement
Just so we can meet the quota
We're the rejects of expectation
Who makes up most of the nation
But we run with scissors in blindfolds
Inflicted with infected lesions
We're the ignored needy bastards
Famed for crashing your first car
Never praised for your art
But punished for bad report cards

Constant Pain

Sometimes I feel tired
Like my efforts are futile
Going on an uphill struggle
Against losing that smile
And my face just
Won't light up sometimes
And it would anger
Everyone I pass by
I don't mean to
That's the last thing I want to do
Let everyone down in
My spiraling tube
Of despair and the air
Becomes so thin
It escapes my lungs
Like it never went in
And they badger me
With questions, bombarded
With why won't you feel something
Maybe I'm emotionally retarded
And I can't help it
If I'm a dysfunctional optimist
Seen all the shit in the world
But still thinks love exists
For no reason
I think there shouldn't be one
Because if the reason goes away
Will the feeling be gone?
And my statements,
Man they all look like Swiss cheese
So many holes surround
My shaky hypotheses

My Baby

He bought me my first pair of J's
He got my taste in music swayed
Into more positive lyricists
And less ear numbing bass hits
Got me digging into my mind
About how we're to unwind on the weekend
And how to make what's not broke better
I just want a Stussy sweater
Because I know it'll make him want me more
I just want to go to the store
And find something for him to wear
So I can just rip it off him until he's in his underwear
I taught him about what you see doesn't matter
And he taught me about what you do, you should master
It's like nursing you know
There's always a higher understanding yo
We know what we do, and we're professionals
But hit Friday night, we live like the Beatles
Sitting in an English garden
My self-doubt is in prison, and he's the warden
He got me writing poetry about him
Got me letting go of my tough exterior for him
Opened my eyes to a world I ignored
Rock so hard, we broke the headboard
Got me wanting to be a trophy wife
With a brain to maintain the circle of life
He listens to my crazy ideas
About throwin' D's on my blouses
Uncontested dogmas
He asks why we don't hop those fences
Got me watching him when he gets ready for work
Mmm, when he puts on that tie and dress shirt
I just want to collate his documents
This feeling is so foreign I should be talking in an accent
My baby, he is the most positive motivating force
I'm a river of possibilities and he's my source
The catalyst for all my chemical reactions
Got me so hot that I feel like I'm molten
With just his touch, just his words, just his glance
Damn my baby got me believing in romance

Short because I don't have much to say

What do you see
When you look at me?
I have a big heart that makes me limp
That's why I have a swagger, not because I think I'm a pimp
And when I was in school, what do you see?
My sight doesn't stray, they're the ones cheating off of me.
Jack of all trades, they always say
But when will that royal flush come my way?

Pinwheel

Hey
You have always been my favorite one
And it hurts me to hear you say that you feel you're forgotten
You're kind of funny you know, your insecurities
They don't really reflect what I see
Actually
But if it's really how you feel
I'll ride it out with you like a tornado and a pinwheel
I'll be the shoulder, and the ear that you're missing
I'll be the critic to whatever you be thinking
Or better yet, I'll just be the wall you lean on
The audience to all your new born songs
Because I know you're there for me too
So stop being EMO and acting a fool
You're flying so high, and I'll catch up
We mesh together like fries and ketchup
So the next time you feel this way
You know who to call and where to stay
I mean, you're ma boy you know that
You're like the Benny to my Top Cat
Yea, I don't even think you've heard of that
And I'm still sitting here clickin on your website ads

Just Me.. being sprung like a chicken

You don't know how happy you make me
I know I don't seem excited all the time
But you touch me
I'm just not expressive, and I'm sorry
You truly are a blessing to me, baby
I'm still not used to knowing
That someone out there is always thinking
Of me
And every little thing I do
Affects you
And I may fail you sometimes
But I'm always willing to work on it
We may argue and try to scream and shout
But our happy days are what a relationship is all about
You would never just ignore me
Even though I know that would be easier
You'd rather talk things out until they're better
And I know I'm not the most graceful lady
I can't count how many times I've scratched
Or hit you accidentally
I'm sorry
And all the dreams you have, I'm in it
House by the beach, Laker game seats
Cruise to Hawaii, trip to Paris
I've never planned my life like this
Even though materialistic, it's really not
Because we both plan on sharing it
With people that matter to us
And when you write about me
I promise you will never be played out
Because I know there's always something
New we can talk about
And I love the person you are
You're my north star
You show me the way to my destination
You don't know it, but you're my inspiration
You're the water to my constipation
Haha, I just want to make you smile
You can choose to put up with me, and I'll make it worth your while
Because I might be lame and irresponsible sometimes
But you should know you occupy all my time and tight rhymes
And I think about you all the time, especially when the songs play
When I hear Coco Rosie, Lupe Fiasco and Kanye
Even when I go on KarmaLoop.com
I keep having flashbacks of coming home to you
Sights of making corned beef and rice
PB&J's and Cefiore on ice
And I may never look at a computer the same again
I'll always think about City of Heroes and Villains
I hope I can always make you happy
I'd love for the smile on your face be because of me
And when you reach for your own dreams
I'll be the sexy head cheerleader of your team
Not only that, I'll be the co-pilot
Make you lunch on whatever budget
I'll learn how to cook like Emeril
I can touch all the bases and time will be on a standstill
BAM!

What is it?

Love
Everyone's talking about it
How it makes you feel
How it makes you sweat
How it can break you like you're in debt
How it makes you crazy and make threats
It can make you hot and wet
And you STILL thank God that you met
Yet love;
You think you go through life
Finding that other
Someone who's gonna love you better
Than the one who led you on in banter
Than the one you almost took to the altar
But never gave you a solid answer
You can go and lose yourself in all the luster
But you still search for that one anchor
But love..
Why do you think
That after each relationship
You add on a new boundary
You say, "This time, no one can do this to me."
You turn your expectations up or down
So it'll suit your needs and not make you frown
Anymore.. It's not because you learn to love less
You just learn to love YOU more
So you draw a line in the sand
Ever changing with every man
But what is it, what do you call that instance
When you love one, and he gives enough distance
And he doesn't dare cross that line with prudence
Because he cares enough not to want to find out what will happen
If he does
Is that love?

Part of a poem I deleted by accident =\

I'm so afraid for you to see me without make up on
Will my scars and blemishes cause you to run?
I try so hard to seem perfect, that's my imperfection
And when you catch me flawed, I always have an objection
To what you are saying, even though you are right
I just don't want to be judged under the spotlight
I'll fold and you can call, I don't really mind at all
I just want to be in the background, you can be the wonderwall

Fake

Don't come any closer, I don't want you to see what I really am
I'm a hollographic image meant to shroud something unpleasant
Even though I was not aware of this before today
There's nothing much that I can do, especially nothing I can say
To excuse myself from acting and being like how I am right now
Yea, maybe you're too good for me, I see you sitting on a cloud
And I shouldn't be around you, but I'll do everything I can
Even though apparently I don't have an idea as to who I am
I didn't know that I was things that I shouldn't really be
And that I should be some things in order for me to be me
I don't know if that makes sense, but fuck it, this is my rant
I'll show you exactly what I do, and say whatever I fucking want
I'm a child, I like to play games like hide-and-seek
I might tell you a little lie everytime I get to speak
Caving in and not responding is something I have learned to do
But never fucking tell me if what I feel is pseudo-true
I'm ungrateful to my parents, and I blame them for my shit
I don't like who I'm turning out to be, I just can't stomach it
A few weeks ago, I thought I knew exactly who I am
But now all my views of myself are broken on the ground
And the new buildings that tower up are of negativity
And I can't help but wonder if this is really me

Selective Amnesia

She used to be my shining star, but it was hidden from the world
Because it just so happens they won't accept a girl who loves a girl
I used to love her, she was my best friend, until she proved to be a whore
Got broken by a man, chased after me, but I don't know her anymore

He used to make me laugh, we used to make plans for the future
We would name our son Jonathan, and Jasmine for our daughter
Until our parentals took us apart, and he went off for the war
He still talks to me now and then, but I don't know him anymore

Then a guy, I was not aware, who was always in my life
We used to be together like a man does with a wife
But he took my love as a drug that he always had to score
Hurt me, so I had to leave, and I don't know him anymore

Then some guy who knew the ropes when it comes to women games
He was handsome and he knew it, and would always fuck with my brain
He could have used me for my body, but instead he wanted my soul
He still asks me out for coffee, but I don't know him anymore

No Rehab For Me

How could I just change like I did
I'm sorry baby, I was acting like a kid
It took me a minute to snap out of it
I just needed a glimpse of me before we've said what was said
And I apologize for acting like a girlfriend
You know what I mean, always trippin now and then
For little minute things, I almost got a picture of the end
I forgot that I was supposed to be your friend
Babe I'm still here riding til I die
I'll support your interests from working the earth to touching the sky
I can't wait for them to say, "hey there's that guy..."
The day will come when your greatness is realized
I'm still your girl, I will stay loyal to you
I just forgot that I was supposed to be your #2
You're agent #1, even though you're a nerd
You can always take revenge in my world
And I know you'll take this poem as a critic
So I just wish I can lend you my heart, have a feel for it
Because I don't want you to miss the intention
This might be my self-non-intervention
It's put me in the most welcomed awkward situation
I have dry mouth, but I can speak about it on and on and on
This drug that I am on, no not BCPs or E
It's my endulgence in Mr. D-U-C-K-E-T-T
And I don't ever wanna be sober
Nah-uh don't take me to rehab mister
I'll even hide in the sewer like a Ninja Turtle
I'm out of shape, but I'll jump every hurdle
I'll shout to the world, pray they'll hear every single word I said
Anything that I can do, so you'll never again feel unappreciated

What were we on?

When I Can Smile

I used to write beautiful words about you.
Things you never seem to feel for me.
I used to love you like
If I didn't, I can't breathe.
And then I met a boy.
And he taught me to enjoy
That sometimes it's alright
To have someone love me.
And all of a sudden,
The songs we used to sing
They don't hurt as much
I no longer want your touch.
And he held me in the rain
Like he would never again
Like if he let go
He couldn't bear the pain.
And his kisses say to me
"I love you for who you are"
And I will never cry again
On my guitar.
But I am still here
Sitting here for the while.
And I can't wait for the day
When I can smile.

Raw

You're a champion.
I live under your moon and sun.
I look at the shelf of all the trophies you've won.
The veteran.
But sometimes you have PTS.
Post-traumatic syndrome, with your flashbacks.
What's up with that?
Saying that I'm caught up with my past.
But on your most honest moments, when you empty that glass,
You talk about your great last.
And I don't say nothing, because I'm not that girl.
I want you to speak your mind to me, like LL said, let our love unfurl.
But it seems like we started so quick and so great
And all we can come up with is this, and we can't get past it.
Yes, you're a good man-- but I too am great
I'm almost at your level with my young age.
You're the veteran, I'm new school
With my old school ways, I'm no young fool.
I've tripped on different rocks as you,
And we all know that I have my faults with you.
But I man up to the responsibility,
I admit I wronged you, is there something I can do to make it up to you baby?
Because it seems like there isn't, the way you hold things against me.
Don't get it twisted baby boy, you're not a saint either.
But I'm not one to hold it above your head, it's not in me, mister.
But sometimes I wish the pain was physical, but it's not.
It's in here, where my passion for you still burns hot,
But you forgot.
Because the things you say to me makes me wonder
Why do I want to stay with you and become your baby's mother?
You're so clever
With your words that break my heart
I have no tears, but you tear me apart.
But I'm still here, still reaching out my hand
Trying to work things out because you're my man
And I understand.
You have your demands.
I try to live up to them, but if this ever ends
I hope we can still be friends.
Because our love for each other is like the one in 'On Bended Knee'
It just pisses me off that it's enough for you to be you, and not enough for me to be me.

Night out with my friends

Tonight, I spent time with my friends who are basically in the same place in their lives as me. The feeling of loss of self-worth, the insecurity of not doing anything with our lives, the huge amount of time that we have to spend over-thinking things. Well, it's at least a comfort to know that I'm not alone. One of these days, we will just go somewhere, do something, and then after we burn out all our energy and desires, we will come back. Maybe we'll be different, maybe not. But I speak for myself when I say, a road trip is LONG overdue. They may agree. So keep a duffle bag of clothes and self-care supplies ready. Just in case.

We ended up talking about a lot of things. Mostly where we see ourselves in 5 years. I replied, I would be an RN, and I would have a kid, but I won't necessarily be married. I never would have thought of wanting to have a child, but right now, at this moment, I do want one some day. A boy or girl, it doesn't matter. I always did have the fantasy of having a Black kid, though. And it fills me up with hope. I actually have plans for my future, no matter how broad my spectrum of wants is. Another reply is that one would just take things day by day, as it comes. Whatever happens will happen.

We talked about location. Los Angeles? The Bay area? Vegas? Seattle? A man-made island floating in the Pacific? Where do we want to be right now?

We talked about the past.. about my "Lifetime movie" stories. The cartoons and shows and movies we used to watch. The technology back then.

About now. A failing relationship, a blossoming one, or just not looking for one. Our parents, our families. Our friends that moved on from spending time with us. What we wouldn't do at our ages right now. Drugs, sex, money. Coming-up birthdays, and what we would miss.

And we talked about love. Why things are never so simple, and why Coldplay makes us sad, and which ones of us crave that high school kind of love up until now, and which ones just want to grow up to match another's needs.

It's great picking each other's minds. And we weren't even under the influence!

Meesh, I wish you could have been there, but good luck with your NCLEX today! You will do great!

My Thought Today

He tells me sometimes, even in his poems, that after me he will find others. He will know more of what he wants, and it will be better. And at first, it kind of stung. But now I see what he means, because I've also thought of things that I would want from my "next" if it comes to that. And I think that it's alright.

Ahem.

First Crack in the Glass

I know that I fucked up
You don't deserve all of that stuff
And when I saw you could fly away
I wanted to do anything to make you stay
I would squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom
And keep the sodas with the caps on
Cook the eggs the way you like them
Can you smell the cookies bakin?
Rub Icy Hot on your pain
Make sure you have a jacket when it rains
Play more competitively on the video games
I won't lie and call you names
I'll stay up and give you attention
When you come home from your daily mission
But I need a real chance from you for me
To finally become the brand new me

I Miss 1 Month ago

I wish I could go back in time
When I was still I
And you thought of nothing better
than to talk and look in my eyes
I have my faults
And I'll repent
And remember
Every moment spent
When you would excuse us
From the group
To take a walk
With the scenic route
And tell me you wish
You met me before
And hold my hand
And walk some more

Lesson in Poetry

He said, "No, no. Girl you need to learn to let go."
And I promise to him secretly that I'll drop it like a hot potato.
He said I need to learn when to stop when I'm in the mesh
Let hot be hot, and hot be fresh.
I take his words, though it hurts my pride, I know he means well.
I trust his judgement, he's my male Michelle.
Which is all well
But up until now I hope I'm not doing too much.
I don't wanna blow it when I'm in the clutch.
What, too much?

Our Planet

I'm just a spaceman floating in the universe
Swimming in what the greater force chose to disperse
I land from planet to planet, hoping to converse
Waiting for my love to be reimbursed
Then I found a home away from my own home
I laid in the sunlight, resting from my roam
Hoping one day, we'll build a dome of our own
And we can both contribute half our chromosomes
Though I have fears and walls I've built upon
I'll break them down because I see you're the one
I just have to make sure before I jump in the mission

That our world won't explode like planet Krypton

The blue sun would set into our eyes
I'll promise that I will tell no more lies
I'll be your daily pleasant surprise
And you will be my heaven in the silver skies
The silver seas engulf us in the waves
But we're at peace, no need for us to be saved
We'll float along, I swear you're all I crave
Please don't deprive me from your sweet embrace
The purple grass will cushion our fall
Dandelions are made from fireballs
And we'll make a wish, one that we'll always recall
To our little planet, nothing catastrophic will befall
This universe is vast and will break us down
But on our rock, you and I are well-renowned
Little green people who think that we're profound
You're a king, you're worthy to be crowned
You're the paradise I have finally found

Valentine's Day

I've never really celebrated Valentine's day with a special someone until Russell. I'm very happy that I have him in my life. We celebrated the day last week. Nothing major, but very significant in my point of view.

Today has been a special Feb. 14 because I spent it with my homedizzle Eddie. I haven't really spent time with him alone for a WHILE. Not since my birthday I think. He's just the coolest Chinese dude ever. We had pho, studied at Borders in Santa Anita, and just planned out some of the things we would like to do (hopefully we can fulfill those dreams).

Here's some things I would like to do with Russell and my friends:
See Wicked
Go camping
Go on that snowboarding trip
Coachella
Go to the Vegas
Mexico aiiieaiiieeeaiiii

Some day, I can say that I did all of this. Until then, here's hoping.

Moment of Weakness

Breathe in slow death as I look up in the sky
Tastes like new breath as the swirls dance in the night
This is the place where my mother buries her dreams
When there is no hope for tomorrow it seems
I choke in the moment, but I feel so alive
The air on my skin; flickering candle light
No there's no mistake, nothing is alright
I'm distracted from my life, something's blocking my sight
Oh here it is-- my hand on my eyes
My defense mechanism: pretending to be blind
I'm too smart for myself, I know better than that
Sometimes I wish I wasn't
And I think God or whoever--whatever-- did not mean for us to fly
Because falling into the abyss is something we'd try
Just because we know we can save ourselves
No, we're meant to crawl in our lives to build our strength
We start from the bottom of the pit so we can cover much length
And then
I exhale.. another breath wasted on silly thoughts
No sense in counting all the glances I caught
This will be the place where I bury my dreams
But I'm still young enough to have hope so it seems

After weeks of writer's block...

Slow release like poison in your bloodstream
Your heart beating, alone, can spread it
With a scream
And the adrenaline
Of thinking of what could have been
I'm tired of it
I don't want to think of what if's
I don't want to keep holding on to his
Words saying
"You're nothing special, so stop trying.
Yea you've met someone but you'd be lying
to yourself if you think you'll be flying
all this time. He'll get tired of you, and you'll just be crying."
And it echoes in the back of my head
Everytime something good happens, I dread
What he said
And how I said nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing comes to mind when you ask me
"Have you been to this place or that place?"
I can't remember what didn't take place
I didn't get anything but a slap in my face.
Maybe two, three, four-- but who's counting?
No sir, not me that's for sure
How he called me a little whore
For being with my friends from the store
This is not a composition
For the man in yesterday's mission
But this is my realization
That today I have a completely different vision
Today I am stronger
And not only can I defend him and her
I can stand up for me
I'm not completely there yet but you'll see
I'll be the woman I ought to be
And today it's enough that I'm just G.

A little bit about me..

When I first met Russell, he told me that I met him at a weird time in his life. "Transitional phase", he said. I guess I'm at that point in my life right now too.

To tell you the truth, I wasn't always like this. I used to be on edge all the time, a little panicky sometimes. I think my last relationship really broke me down to the point that I needed to be someone else in order to please my ex. I was scared of him, he was a crazy guy. And when I finally got the courage to stand up for myself, he didn't like it, kicked me out of the house in the middle of the night, and that's about it.

I think going to school for my LVN was the best thing I could have done in my situation. I was really into it, as much as I would like to deny. I was a good student, I was really putting a lot of focus on school. I was even stressed out sometimes, I just liked to put on a calm front.

Even though I'm not completely off guard now that I finished school, I do believe that I've earned a little carefree-ness for a while. I try not to jump up to every dilemma. I just want a short period of time to stop and find myself again. Someone in between the panicky me, and the awfully relaxed me.

I usually don't like to explain myself, it's because I try to accept everyone as they are. And I think that they're who they are because they choose to be like that. And I like to think that people should accept me for who I am too. I mean.. life is too short to live it trying to please everyone for the sake of pleasing everyone. I'd just like to be myself for once.

The Cycle

There's you
When I wake up in the morning
Eye boogers and everything
I think I hear the birds singing
But no, it's just me sinking
Into the pit in my stomach
Like caterpillars that reconstruct
Into majestic butterflies, and with luck
This "you-and-me" thing will get stuck
Into the pages of history
And everyone will eventually see
What real love is supposed to be
And in the end there's still you and me
And the day goes into motion
I will hold you like the ocean
In an embrace with one notion
Divine mutual comprehension
We both know that this is right
We're together but we won't lose sight
Of our individual black and white
Now the daytime turns to night
We kiss gently in your den
Away from the talks of CNN
In our little paradise and then
I say that I can't wait for tomorrow when
There's you

Stephan's G.I.S.E.L.L.E.

Granted, she's there when you need her.
In your darkest time, she's only a number away
Sometimes she'll butter you up
Even if that cake really isn't you.
Lastly, she's gonna be missin out on...
Las Vegas, the main destination. Why?
Even I really don't know... But she hasta go.



**I <3 u MOSF! (My Only Stephan Friend)

S.T.E.P.H.A.N.

So insecure of himself, he can't see what I see
There is a standard for skilled, and he's the epitome
Elsewhere is the home for his racing thoughts
Pleasing everyone is what he wants most
He loves like the wind, you turn back for a second
Away he goes, but only if you make him
No doubt you'll see that he's what you've been missing

On the phone with Russell...

I've never seen myself smile like that just because
I'm talking to someone.




This photo was taken at St. Elizabeth when
I was still in school (taken by Eddubu).

I Like You, DUH.

I like the way you open my eyes to new possibilities.
I like how you got me feeling comfortable with me just being me.
How you want to know what I think about things that come to mind.
How we check for the Lakers score in the middle of the night.
I like that you're taller, and I have to tip-toe to kiss you.
How we find that superheroes are a great subject to argue.
I like the fact that you got me writing poetry again,
And I like that you have a son that got me into Ben 10.
I like that you exert the effort to get to know all of my friends,
And that you don't mind that we spill liquor on your carpet now and then.
How punctual you are, in whatever that is planned.
And that you're passionate about music even though it breaks you time and again.

Inadequate

I must have been mistaken
Maybe you're not who I thought you were
I might have eased in too quickly
That we have a lot that we both share

I always knew that acceptance
Doesn't always go both ways
But I receive everyone in all forms
In all attitudes, in any day

You know what you want
A girl who likes to look good
From the way she wears her hair
To the shoe in every foot

You want that confidence
You want that female of your dreams
You like the L's and V's on her purse
And her cute little color schemes


But this is me, and I'm not sorry
I have three hair styles at the most
I wear my make up very lightly
I don't wear anything to boast

I like to wear fitted caps
And I like the jerseys of my teams
I like my scruffy little Chucks
Unlike the girl who's in your dreams

So yea, I wake up in the morning
I don't think, "shit I'm so hot"
But I know that I'm not ugly
I just can't be who I am not

I'm still starting to expand my taste
In clothes and other material things
From the purses, to the shoes
To the necklaces, to the rings

Even though I'm shocked to hear this
I appreciate your honesty
I'd just hate to find out one day
That you're embarrassed to be seen with me

I'd still like you regardless
I respect what you feel you need
But I love myself, with whatever I have on
Now if only you'd feel the same about me

M.I.C.H.E.L.L.E.

My sweet one, with a mouth that stabs;
I dearly hold you near my heart.
Clearly you know what you want,
He only sees his place is hard.
Everyone you meet just falls in love;
Lucky are the ones you glance back at.
Love is the one thing you deserve for
Everything that you once lacked.

BCD

Behind closed doors,
I know what to do
With me and you.
But out in the world, I'm worried
I don't wanna over step your boundaries.
I don't know how to say hi,
should I hug you? Or give you a kiss?
I'm afraid to hold your hand
It's because you're not my man.
But in reality, it's alright.
As long as I get to hold you tight
Behind closed doors.