It's disconcerting to find out that no matter how old people get, some people still will never learn to handle the truth. They would rather fester in their polite lies than to improve the quality of their work and lives. I have never been more certain that I have raised myself to be the person that I am today, because my consciousness and understanding of the truth obviously did not come from the people who are supposed to be my family. I can only hope that the younger generation in my kin will not inherit the blindness and self-imposed ignorance so discreetly displayed by our parents. I refuse to sacrifice self-development and principle for good manners and avoidance of conflict.
Just because you don't like to hear the truth, it doesn't mean I'm rude.
Friday, July 31
The Games Fools Play
Friday, July 10
Flavor of the Weak
She doesn't know
So out of place
Don't let her see her face
Just tell her it's fine
There's no need to wine and dine
Just make her feel sparks once in a while
She'll give it up
And give it all
She won't even see the wall
She's trapped in
Hours pass and she's at the same spot sitting
She's a blank canvas
Make her into anything
And when you're done and gone
She fades into nothing
And the songs she used to like
Just bring old memories
When someone told her how to be
She almost had a unique thought
But once again, it's lost
In her facade of being driven
It's hard to be the shell of a good person
Attracts the same kind of people
A little variation
But she's what a basic guy would seek
She's the flavor of the weak
Sneakerhead
I have 35 pairs of shoes as of this moment.
I never dreamed to have more kicks than there are days in a month! I am just so in love with the new shoe smell, scuff-free, shiny patent leather, creaseless, cotton-laced multi-colored panels. They are the sole of my soul.
Eventually I will post up pictures of my collection, and of the shoes I will accumulate from this moment on.
Transition
How do we deal with this miscommunication
It keeps dragging us into awkward situations
Seems like we shouldn't be yelling
When we're both saying the same thing
Love, we go ahead and
Take in all the hurt in each other's words
Then we'll go out for ice cream afterwards
Transitional phase
Between holding hands and being there on the worst days
It's hard growing together
Telling each other what we don't really wanna hear
For the sake of us being here
And it's been said before, I just want to love you
Even though life wishes it's a different version
Different situation
Maybe even a different person sometimes
It's my fault for not weighing with enough time
It's alright
I'm the one you last see at night
Real love
You make me feel real, love
Because truth hurts
And I'll choose to keep loving you
Pity Party
It's not hard to care
Sometimes I just don't want to though
I'm always in misery's company
I should be a CEO
How come I can pay my bills
And they can't?
How come I'm already over it
And they ain't?
Saturday night kickbacks
Turn into pity parties
I ask them how their day went
They tell me a sob story
Sometimes I'm in need
Of an intellectual conversation
But people are too caught up in drama
To provide me with that stimulation
Pay attention
Life is better
Just because we're all together
But instead of being close
They just want me to run after
Why can't we just get fucked up
Forget things running through our heads
All they say is "it's so hard"
All I can say is "that's what she said"
Insomnia
I can't sleep without you holding me
There's a wall between us nowadays
It's just hard to put your all in it
When we know it won't last anyway
On the phone all day
Talking, texting
Voice is coarse, thumbs are aching
Spend all day on persuading
We don't even talk this much
When we're not arguing
And at the end of the day we're both tired
Put a solid front even in privacy
I wish I can have peace tonight
Because I can't sleep without you holding meAmateurs
We're just amateur people
Practicing on each other
Trying to find relationships
In people who are just lovers
Using "I love you" as a reason to stay
When you don't feel like staying another day
Let's bloom in the midnight sky
Like fireworks
Love illuminate every alley
Where infatuation lurks
We depend on another to make us whole
In the end, sweet stolen moments
Just end up as time you stole
Play a role in your American TV relationship
You know it's doomed
But you still turn a blind eye to it
I wish we can just take each other
And learn what we need
Breaking it off clean might be
The least dastardly deedI Want To Be In Love
I want to be in love like
The plants are to the sunlight
Let me grow in the direction you go
With every drop the clouds wipe from your eyes
You make me want to vow constant compromise
From sunset to sunrise
I wanna be in love
Like a language they've never heard of
But we converse so musically
That even when we argue
They envy
Each syllable is encapsulated in beauty
I want to be in love like
Words trembling, tongue tied
My ideas trip and fall
But you'll be there at the bottom
Catching everything the right way
I would never have to worry about what I say
I want to be in love
Like it's wireless
No more pulling invisible strings
I can just be myself
And be enough
No mind games
Cosmic Awareness
Rushed in so quick
Barely sinking in
The facts repeatedly flash freezing my skin
But realization came too late
My heart is anchored
Soldered onto you
As I float on the big blue
As much as I'd like to misconstrue
I understand
First is a place I'll never land
Even though I want to gradually ungrip my hand
My nature is to comprehend
And a smile of contentment
Rushes to my face
As bliss dangles on a moonlaceTwilight
Let's meet where the last rays of sun shine beyond the horizon
Adding deep poetry to a once familiar location
Where sundown ushers in the night sky
Where day and night have no choice but to coincide
Go inside my mind
And let's escape from our daily routine
To find the beauty in spontaneity
Even though deep inside I planned on this to be
Or is it just a wish?
Let's convene on a shifting period of time
Even though you'd be only mine
For 15 minutes at a time
Write
Look out the window and realize that
The world is limited
But your mind isn't
Let the creativity flow
It's not just for show
Leave your mind's imprint here for tomorrow
Television is a one-way conversation
Dictator of how we should be and feel
This generation has suffered enough degeneration
Time to expand your mind
Reach out, extend your hand
Connected
Secret late-night air wave rendesvouz
Decoded every binary just to meet with you
Connected
You keep running through my head
Rejecting every rational thought I've ever had
I go through my day
In the background our song plays
Wishing I saw you yesterday
Because my reality started before I met you
And I can't wait til real life is through
So I can make you the star
But for now you're a lie I dream of each night
Between You and I
Between you and I
The tides get so high
I want to drown
And slip into the most welcomed demise
In your arms
Is love really truer when inflicted with harm?
Do I deserve your love less
Because I try to keep the warmth?
Friction
Keep me insulated
I would never leave your heart mutilated
Look at what we've orchestrated
Organized crime
We stole each other's heart and time
And attention
You make it so full
You give my heart distention
About to burst out of my sternum
My lungs fill with your breath
The toxin that enables each syllable's depth
You take all the noise out and poetry is left
Mind-meld, effortless synchronicity
Baby you must be a verb the way you move me
You don't have to say a word
Just look up at the sky
I'll whisper in your ear
Just between you and I
Break Me Away!
I wake up 4 hours early
To fight the tide daily
Drowning in the faceless sea
Of this nation's mediocrity
And I'm still late
Blastin' Kenna on the MTA
Losing myself in the pages
Of urban literary decay
Exchanging glances
Behind transparent lenses
Then I use the key
To unlock 8 hours of light-loaded slavery
Suckered into offers they can just reprimand
Then I drown in the sea again
Love/Hate Relationship (Michelle, Russell and Giselle Collaboration)
M--
Its a love/hate relationship with my brain
Some days it drives me insane
On rainy days
It's buzzin on electric relaxation
On summer nights
I get a tingling sensation
Sometimes...
I feel so hungry
But what I'm craving though
is more like food for thought
Silly me spending all my money
On my impulsive grumbling tummy
Someone once said that the way
To a woman's heart is through her stomach
But it's like america seems to feed you all this rubbish
I say a meal isn't complete without rice
So complete me with your brilliant mind
R--
I've got a love/hate relationship with my brain
I long for 5 hour conversations in the rain
I can't maintain sanity without escaping this reality
The simple fact that you intrigue me and feed me
Food for thought
Your gourmet can't be store bought
Crazy me spending all my cash on kicks
When really I crave our talks
Its like an addiction and your words cost to much
How can I get your verbs and adjectives in my blood stream?
G--
You've got a love/hate relationship with my brain
But you don't know about it
The way my mind's chemicals react to the sound of your name
It tells my adrenals to make my heart skip a beat
And makes me believe I don't need to eat or sleep
I see you walk down the street with another
My mind spins and creates centrifuged mental daggers
But how could I hate you?
Damn I still love you the same
Maybe tomorrow I'll come up and finally tell you my name
My Favorite Fatal Mistake
I was not aware that I would think about you before every decision
And make your smile my daily mission
Not aware that every movement I make
Would be influenced by every breath you take
My young pockets, seemingly allergic to money
Well they found the antihistamine in the joint account you set up for
me
Is it wrong to find freedom in being locked up in your arms?
You disarmed all of my alarms
You know what, fuck it baby
I love the responsibility
That half of the bills rest on me
That when I order food, it's always for two, sometimes three
I can't imagine losing this, you and me
How I would function without you will be a mystery
I mean don't get me wrong, I will live
I know this world HAS to have something else to give
But
Losing you would be like losing a leg
I would still walk, but every limp will just remind me of the words you
would've said
And my casual distractions would be my crutch
It would help but let's face it
I'd never love them as much
And don't you know how costly it is to cook for one?
No one to hide in the covers with from the morning sun
Damn doesn't sound too much fun
How would you expect me to be without you?
I should have known from the start that this would be a catch 22
Once you get me I know there's no escape
You're my favorite fatal mistake
Hangtime
Stuck in mid-relationship air
You can choose when it's time to care
And be unfair
When you don't like what you hear
Don't you know I still cry
Every night that you're not mine?
But that doesn't matter, right?
Right beside me you lay
But you're really miles away
I might as well be on Mars
Leave me alone with my scars
And the thinnest atmosphere
How do you always make me wish I wasn't here
But make me love you altogether?
I used to wish we'd be together forever
And I still do
Except this time I know it won't come true
Now everytime you attack me
I'm the one acting funny
How is it that I know what steps to take
But still feel like I need to pay for my mistakes?
How long do I have to wait
Until I hear what you have to say?
And you say you see the future in me
But I'm nameless when you speak of your history
Like I'm a speck of dust in time
Eventually forgotten like how I made you smile
You want me to love you unconditionally
But I can't expect the same for me
I hurt you, and yes I deserve to pay
But when will love returned come my way?
You make me cry on your command
When I should smile when you hold my hand
To force it out of you
Is not what I want to do
But say if there's a chance that you'll be mine
Or if I'm just wasting my time
Re: Invis
It makes me giggle how simple you think I am
You refer to my prototype blueprints as foiled plans
Tee-hee
Let's play hide and seek
You're not invisible, just transparent with the oddest shade of pink
I remember you used to love the way I think
But the past is nothing but compiled spent up time
That we pass today with
Don't be too cocky just because I let you hold the wheel
I just wanted to know where you'd lead me
And you parked the car on expectation hill
Got out and left the e brake off
Slid down and crashed, went up like a Molotov
Cocktail
My tales might doze you off to sleep
But I just do that to sneak a kiss on your cheek
Really Is..
What a shame
The greatest love I've ever felt
Resorted to a poetry war
Directly indirect
This is not about you
But it sounds so familiar
We don't want to spice things up, just chill
But we keep making it bitter
The mess I made will not soon be forgotten
But I came back twice because I haven't forgotten
About how everything you said made my smile grow wider
And every step I take is worth a hundred dollars
I wish I could feel like I did before
When we curled up in the hotel bathroom floor
Do you remember?
When you would never let go
While we slept in until the sun would show
Now it feels like I don't fit your mold
I pulled away when it's your hand I want to hold
And now you're thinking twice about keeping me
Weeping me, sitting on the curb because I can't see
How I could be the one keeping anyone from "me being me"
You want me to care, but you don't want me to ask
You want to move forward but all you do is push me back on the wall
I guess I deserve it all
Tell me how happy you would be if I wasn't here
And how your next will whisper in your ear
And I know I'll learn to be happy without you too
But I'll never admit that to you
Taboo
I kiss your lips
Instantaneous combustion
I know I just answered your every question
Don't worry, it's just you and me
Playing along with every man's fantasy
But like I said
It's just the two of us
I don't see the need for the pin us
If you know what I mean
Trying out all the clips that we've seen
Just remember you're the star of this scene
Apply the right force to pull your hair
You should know I'm not that into underwear
On you
It's no longer taboo
Love is tattooed on my fingertips
Let me sink love into you
Leila
Beautiful and confident
Heaven sent, hell bent
Starved of love and affection
Glutton for anyone's attention
The scent of her hair can make angels cry
She speaks and makes the scholars ask why
She sings the words to me
But she doesn't have her own melody
Decisive when going too fast a pace
Indecisive when right stares her in the face
She dances like candle light
She speaks like she's always right
She asks but doesn't want an answer
She won't work on now but wants forever
She'll fall in love and push you away
And she's not even done for today
Potion
Baby
Something I need to ask from you
Let me lose myself in you
Like a sock at the laundromat
Like aimlessly walking, and I don't know where I'm at
Snorkeling in your personality
The sun shines into your sea
And your heart projects a spectrum of color
You make me see myself clearer than any mirror
When you're gone I'm locked outside, incomplete
Like I tried all the keys and none of them fit
It still amazes me when it's my name you mention
My soul gets thrown in all direction
It's not my intention to lose all recollection
I forgot about my past when I took a sip of your potion
Done Floating in Space
I'm just on a mission
Not to outerspace
Love, let's focus on our space
The distance between you and me
Is like a blinding scream
Of light
Turned on in the darkest night
Let's collide like plateaus
Teach you things you don't know
Show you things
A thousand sunsets can't show
My love is like the star you're gazing on
It'll be there for you long after I'm gone
Our song is a snowflake falling
On the tip of your nose
Nobody has to know
But there's no reason to hide it either
You can't avert your gaze from a supernova
I can't wait to see you
Meet you
Like how the ocean embraces the sand
Lightning storms fabricated from holding your hand
Electromagnetic forces draw me to your sea
Still waiting for the day you come around for me
Villain
Tick tock
I want to destroy the world
60 seconds flying
You don't really feel alive until you know you're dying
See it's not just your world, it's mine too
And I want you to try to stop me
Take a ride on my insanity
Let me dance around your misery
Give you something to fight for
Play on your weaknesses until you scorn me
I'm a new breed of villain
I don't have to hide my face from anyone
I don't need a secret lair
My schemes materialize from air
And you breathe it in
Hopelessly addicted to my euphoric toxin
Aimlessly rolling about on my path of destruction
Are you a hero?
Or just over-qualified on a recon mission?
See, I don't need minions to do my bidding
I can twist your world while I'm just here sitting
Run after me, look for me, realize my reasons
I'll let you be the hero, and I'll be the villain
If that's what it takes to get your attention
In a world that demands YOU have low self-esteem
Wake up. Realize what you're worth.
Why do some people break you down? It's because they know you're worth
more than you are aware of. And with their selfish ways, they feel the
need to pound your self-esteem down so low to fool you into believing
that you can't do better than them. If someone as dirty as that can see
that you deserve better than them, why can't you?
Being with someone shouldn't be hard, especially if you're only dating.
If you don't like how someone is treating you, really, you don't have to
put up with it. Don't believe that with the millions of people in this
city alone, you should settle for this bullshit.
Simple rules.
Unless you're into that kind of stuff, don't date someone who initially
comes up to you with the notion that you're a slut or sex object.
Especially if he/she so freely expresses it. The depth of your
relationship with that person can only go so far.
Learn how to say no and mean it. If you don't feel comfortable about
doing something, say no with conviction and authority in your voice and
with the least amount of explanation possible. It's all about respect.
How can you expect to find love in a relationship with someone who
doesn't think highly of you?
And no matter what anyone says, you should never have to hide who you
really are. If you can be a bitch, be a bitch. If you're a lil creepy
and have stalker tendencies, shit, go ahead, some people are into that.
Be you 24/7, because it's less stress on you, and really.. You can't
hold the real you in forever. The older you get, the less time you
should be willing to waste on being fake.
Never beg. Have some self-worth.
And that's about it for my thoughts of the day.
-G
Rain on L.A.
Storm clouds over LA
I'm ready, rain come my way
Let your first drops sizzle on the asphalt
Wash away the evidence of the assault
On humanity last night
Hold on to my loved ones
Whisper "everything is alright"
When it isn't
Rain down on us
No one should ever be used to
Bullet shells and gunshots
Thursday, July 2
So I Guess I'm Back
I have been doing a lot of things in my absence, but I'm bored enough to write here again. Maybe it's just perfect timing, because things have been left hanging in the air, and all of them are about to unfold.. leaving me with no necessity for a big catch-up post. I can just tell you about it as we go along.
My friend, Stephan, left for Europe today on vacation. Weird enough, that made me feel clostrophobic. Being stuck here, not experiencing the world like I want to. I lost my Green Card, you see, and I just sent out my replacement application recently.. so my European adventures will have to wait. I wonder if the rest of the world is happier than we are here in the United States. I would love to find out. I hope the answer is yes.
Arguments
Quick stabs
Unrelenting lightning jabs
One-liners cut more precise
Deeper
Hit pressure points you can ice later
Damage control
Want to be whole
But sometimes you just have to roll
With spikes in your stomach all day
Think of more hurtful things to say
But don't step out of line
Just tread on it
Then take it back when you've had it
Up to here
And had enough of things to hear
And then sets in the fear
Hurry
Apologize for the quick stabs
You wouldn't really want to lose
What you have
