A little bit about me..

When I first met Russell, he told me that I met him at a weird time in his life. "Transitional phase", he said. I guess I'm at that point in my life right now too.

To tell you the truth, I wasn't always like this. I used to be on edge all the time, a little panicky sometimes. I think my last relationship really broke me down to the point that I needed to be someone else in order to please my ex. I was scared of him, he was a crazy guy. And when I finally got the courage to stand up for myself, he didn't like it, kicked me out of the house in the middle of the night, and that's about it.

I think going to school for my LVN was the best thing I could have done in my situation. I was really into it, as much as I would like to deny. I was a good student, I was really putting a lot of focus on school. I was even stressed out sometimes, I just liked to put on a calm front.

Even though I'm not completely off guard now that I finished school, I do believe that I've earned a little carefree-ness for a while. I try not to jump up to every dilemma. I just want a short period of time to stop and find myself again. Someone in between the panicky me, and the awfully relaxed me.

I usually don't like to explain myself, it's because I try to accept everyone as they are. And I think that they're who they are because they choose to be like that. And I like to think that people should accept me for who I am too. I mean.. life is too short to live it trying to please everyone for the sake of pleasing everyone. I'd just like to be myself for once.

The Cycle

There's you
When I wake up in the morning
Eye boogers and everything
I think I hear the birds singing
But no, it's just me sinking
Into the pit in my stomach
Like caterpillars that reconstruct
Into majestic butterflies, and with luck
This "you-and-me" thing will get stuck
Into the pages of history
And everyone will eventually see
What real love is supposed to be
And in the end there's still you and me
And the day goes into motion
I will hold you like the ocean
In an embrace with one notion
Divine mutual comprehension
We both know that this is right
We're together but we won't lose sight
Of our individual black and white
Now the daytime turns to night
We kiss gently in your den
Away from the talks of CNN
In our little paradise and then
I say that I can't wait for tomorrow when
There's you

Stephan's G.I.S.E.L.L.E.

Granted, she's there when you need her.
In your darkest time, she's only a number away
Sometimes she'll butter you up
Even if that cake really isn't you.
Lastly, she's gonna be missin out on...
Las Vegas, the main destination. Why?
Even I really don't know... But she hasta go.



**I <3 u MOSF! (My Only Stephan Friend)

S.T.E.P.H.A.N.

So insecure of himself, he can't see what I see
There is a standard for skilled, and he's the epitome
Elsewhere is the home for his racing thoughts
Pleasing everyone is what he wants most
He loves like the wind, you turn back for a second
Away he goes, but only if you make him
No doubt you'll see that he's what you've been missing

On the phone with Russell...

I've never seen myself smile like that just because
I'm talking to someone.




This photo was taken at St. Elizabeth when
I was still in school (taken by Eddubu).

I Like You, DUH.

I like the way you open my eyes to new possibilities.
I like how you got me feeling comfortable with me just being me.
How you want to know what I think about things that come to mind.
How we check for the Lakers score in the middle of the night.
I like that you're taller, and I have to tip-toe to kiss you.
How we find that superheroes are a great subject to argue.
I like the fact that you got me writing poetry again,
And I like that you have a son that got me into Ben 10.
I like that you exert the effort to get to know all of my friends,
And that you don't mind that we spill liquor on your carpet now and then.
How punctual you are, in whatever that is planned.
And that you're passionate about music even though it breaks you time and again.

Inadequate

I must have been mistaken
Maybe you're not who I thought you were
I might have eased in too quickly
That we have a lot that we both share

I always knew that acceptance
Doesn't always go both ways
But I receive everyone in all forms
In all attitudes, in any day

You know what you want
A girl who likes to look good
From the way she wears her hair
To the shoe in every foot

You want that confidence
You want that female of your dreams
You like the L's and V's on her purse
And her cute little color schemes


But this is me, and I'm not sorry
I have three hair styles at the most
I wear my make up very lightly
I don't wear anything to boast

I like to wear fitted caps
And I like the jerseys of my teams
I like my scruffy little Chucks
Unlike the girl who's in your dreams

So yea, I wake up in the morning
I don't think, "shit I'm so hot"
But I know that I'm not ugly
I just can't be who I am not

I'm still starting to expand my taste
In clothes and other material things
From the purses, to the shoes
To the necklaces, to the rings

Even though I'm shocked to hear this
I appreciate your honesty
I'd just hate to find out one day
That you're embarrassed to be seen with me

I'd still like you regardless
I respect what you feel you need
But I love myself, with whatever I have on
Now if only you'd feel the same about me

M.I.C.H.E.L.L.E.

My sweet one, with a mouth that stabs;
I dearly hold you near my heart.
Clearly you know what you want,
He only sees his place is hard.
Everyone you meet just falls in love;
Lucky are the ones you glance back at.
Love is the one thing you deserve for
Everything that you once lacked.

BCD

Behind closed doors,
I know what to do
With me and you.
But out in the world, I'm worried
I don't wanna over step your boundaries.
I don't know how to say hi,
should I hug you? Or give you a kiss?
I'm afraid to hold your hand
It's because you're not my man.
But in reality, it's alright.
As long as I get to hold you tight
Behind closed doors.