The Games Fools Play

It's disconcerting to find out that no matter how old people get, some people still will never learn to handle the truth. They would rather fester in their polite lies than to improve the quality of their work and lives. I have never been more certain that I have raised myself to be the person that I am today, because my consciousness and understanding of the truth obviously did not come from the people who are supposed to be my family. I can only hope that the younger generation in my kin will not inherit the blindness and self-imposed ignorance so discreetly displayed by our parents. I refuse to sacrifice self-development and principle for good manners and avoidance of conflict.

Just because you don't like to hear the truth, it doesn't mean I'm rude.

Flavor of the Weak

She doesn't know
So out of place
Don't let her see her face
Just tell her it's fine
There's no need to wine and dine
Just make her feel sparks once in a while
She'll give it up
And give it all
She won't even see the wall
She's trapped in
Hours pass and she's at the same spot sitting
She's a blank canvas
Make her into anything
And when you're done and gone
She fades into nothing
And the songs she used to like
Just bring old memories
When someone told her how to be
She almost had a unique thought
But once again, it's lost
In her facade of being driven
It's hard to be the shell of a good person
Attracts the same kind of people
A little variation
But she's what a basic guy would seek
She's the flavor of the weak

Sneakerhead

I have 35 pairs of shoes as of this moment.

I never dreamed to have more kicks than there are days in a month! I am just so in love with the new shoe smell, scuff-free, shiny patent leather, creaseless, cotton-laced multi-colored panels. They are the sole of my soul.

Eventually I will post up pictures of my collection, and of the shoes I will accumulate from this moment on.

Dug some out of the past..

I found old poems I wrote in 2008! Enjoy!

Transition

How do we deal with this miscommunication

It keeps dragging us into awkward situations

Seems like we shouldn't be yelling

When we're both saying the same thing

Love, we go ahead and

Take in all the hurt in each other's words

Then we'll go out for ice cream afterwards

Transitional phase

Between holding hands and being there on the worst days

It's hard growing together

Telling each other what we don't really wanna hear

For the sake of us being here

And it's been said before, I just want to love you

Even though life wishes it's a different version

Different situation

Maybe even a different person sometimes

It's my fault for not weighing with enough time

It's alright

I'm the one you last see at night

Real love

You make me feel real, love

Because truth hurts

And I'll choose to keep loving you

And believe that all of it was just words

Pity Party

It's not hard to care

Sometimes I just don't want to though

I'm always in misery's company

I should be a CEO

How come I can pay my bills

And they can't?

How come I'm already over it

And they ain't?

Saturday night kickbacks

Turn into pity parties

I ask them how their day went

They tell me a sob story

Sometimes I'm in need

Of an intellectual conversation

But people are too caught up in drama

To provide me with that stimulation

Pay attention

Life is better

Just because we're all together

But instead of being close

They just want me to run after

Why can't we just get fucked up

Forget things running through our heads

All they say is "it's so hard"

All I can say is "that's what she said"

Insomnia

I can't sleep without you holding me

There's a wall between us nowadays

It's just hard to put your all in it

When we know it won't last anyway

On the phone all day

Talking, texting

Voice is coarse, thumbs are aching

Spend all day on persuading

We don't even talk this much

When we're not arguing

And at the end of the day we're both tired

Put a solid front even in privacy

I wish I can have peace tonight

Because I can't sleep without you holding me

Amateurs

We're just amateur people

Practicing on each other

Trying to find relationships

In people who are just lovers

Using "I love you" as a reason to stay

When you don't feel like staying another day

Let's bloom in the midnight sky

Like fireworks

Love illuminate every alley

Where infatuation lurks

We depend on another to make us whole

In the end, sweet stolen moments

Just end up as time you stole

Play a role in your American TV relationship

You know it's doomed

But you still turn a blind eye to it

I wish we can just take each other

And learn what we need

Breaking it off clean might be

The least dastardly deed

I Want To Be In Love

I want to be in love like

The plants are to the sunlight

Let me grow in the direction you go

With every drop the clouds wipe from your eyes

You make me want to vow constant compromise

From sunset to sunrise

I wanna be in love

Like a language they've never heard of

But we converse so musically

That even when we argue

They envy

Each syllable is encapsulated in beauty

I want to be in love like

Words trembling, tongue tied

My ideas trip and fall

But you'll be there at the bottom

Catching everything the right way

I would never have to worry about what I say

I want to be in love

Like it's wireless

No more pulling invisible strings

I can just be myself

And be enough

No mind games

I just want to be in love

Cosmic Awareness

Rushed in so quick

Barely sinking in

The facts repeatedly flash freezing my skin

But realization came too late

My heart is anchored

Soldered onto you

As I float on the big blue

As much as I'd like to misconstrue

I understand

First is a place I'll never land

Even though I want to gradually ungrip my hand

My nature is to comprehend

And a smile of contentment

Rushes to my face

As bliss dangles on a moonlace

Twilight

Let's meet where the last rays of sun shine beyond the horizon
Adding deep poetry to a once familiar location
Where sundown ushers in the night sky
Where day and night have no choice but to coincide
Go inside my mind
And let's escape from our daily routine
To find the beauty in spontaneity
Even though deep inside I planned on this to be
Or is it just a wish?
Let's convene on a shifting period of time
Even though you'd be only mine
For 15 minutes at a time

Write

Look out the window and realize that

The world is limited

But your mind isn't

Let the creativity flow

It's not just for show

Leave your mind's imprint here for tomorrow

Television is a one-way conversation

Dictator of how we should be and feel

This generation has suffered enough degeneration

Time to expand your mind

Reach out, extend your hand

Grab a pen and write

Connected

Secret late-night air wave rendesvouz
Decoded every binary just to meet with you
Connected
You keep running through my head
Rejecting every rational thought I've ever had
I go through my day
In the background our song plays
Wishing I saw you yesterday
Because my reality started before I met you
And I can't wait til real life is through
So I can make you the star
But for now you're a lie I dream of each night

Between You and I

Between you and I
The tides get so high
I want to drown
And slip into the most welcomed demise
In your arms
Is love really truer when inflicted with harm?
Do I deserve your love less
Because I try to keep the warmth?
Friction
Keep me insulated
I would never leave your heart mutilated
Look at what we've orchestrated
Organized crime
We stole each other's heart and time
And attention
You make it so full
You give my heart distention
About to burst out of my sternum
My lungs fill with your breath
The toxin that enables each syllable's depth
You take all the noise out and poetry is left
Mind-meld, effortless synchronicity
Baby you must be a verb the way you move me
You don't have to say a word
Just look up at the sky
I'll whisper in your ear
Just between you and I

Break Me Away!

I wake up 4 hours early
To fight the tide daily
Drowning in the faceless sea
Of this nation's mediocrity
And I'm still late
Blastin' Kenna on the MTA
Losing myself in the pages
Of urban literary decay
Exchanging glances
Behind transparent lenses
Then I use the key
To unlock 8 hours of light-loaded slavery
Suckered into offers they can just reprimand
Then I drown in the sea again

Love/Hate Relationship (Michelle, Russell and Giselle Collaboration)

M--
Its a love/hate relationship with my brain
Some days it drives me insane
On rainy days
It's buzzin on electric relaxation
On summer nights
I get a tingling sensation
Sometimes...
I feel so hungry
But what I'm craving though
is more like food for thought
Silly me spending all my money
On my impulsive grumbling tummy
Someone once said that the way
To a woman's heart is through her stomach
But it's like america seems to feed you all this rubbish
I say a meal isn't complete without rice
So complete me with your brilliant mind

R--
I've got a love/hate relationship with my brain
I long for 5 hour conversations in the rain
I can't maintain sanity without escaping this reality
The simple fact that you intrigue me and feed me
Food for thought
Your gourmet can't be store bought
Crazy me spending all my cash on kicks
When really I crave our talks
Its like an addiction and your words cost to much
How can I get your verbs and adjectives in my blood stream?

G--
You've got a love/hate relationship with my brain
But you don't know about it
The way my mind's chemicals react to the sound of your name
It tells my adrenals to make my heart skip a beat
And makes me believe I don't need to eat or sleep
I see you walk down the street with another
My mind spins and creates centrifuged mental daggers
But how could I hate you?
Damn I still love you the same
Maybe tomorrow I'll come up and finally tell you my name

My Favorite Fatal Mistake

I was not aware that I would think about you before every decision
And make your smile my daily mission
Not aware that every movement I make
Would be influenced by every breath you take
My young pockets, seemingly allergic to money
Well they found the antihistamine in the joint account you set up for
me
Is it wrong to find freedom in being locked up in your arms?
You disarmed all of my alarms
You know what, fuck it baby
I love the responsibility
That half of the bills rest on me
That when I order food, it's always for two, sometimes three
I can't imagine losing this, you and me
How I would function without you will be a mystery
I mean don't get me wrong, I will live
I know this world HAS to have something else to give
But
Losing you would be like losing a leg
I would still walk, but every limp will just remind me of the words you
would've said
And my casual distractions would be my crutch
It would help but let's face it
I'd never love them as much
And don't you know how costly it is to cook for one?
No one to hide in the covers with from the morning sun
Damn doesn't sound too much fun
How would you expect me to be without you?
I should have known from the start that this would be a catch 22
Once you get me I know there's no escape
You're my favorite fatal mistake

Hangtime

Stuck in mid-relationship air
You can choose when it's time to care
And be unfair
When you don't like what you hear
Don't you know I still cry
Every night that you're not mine?
But that doesn't matter, right?
Right beside me you lay
But you're really miles away
I might as well be on Mars
Leave me alone with my scars
And the thinnest atmosphere
How do you always make me wish I wasn't here
But make me love you altogether?
I used to wish we'd be together forever
And I still do
Except this time I know it won't come true
Now everytime you attack me
I'm the one acting funny
How is it that I know what steps to take
But still feel like I need to pay for my mistakes?
How long do I have to wait
Until I hear what you have to say?
And you say you see the future in me
But I'm nameless when you speak of your history
Like I'm a speck of dust in time
Eventually forgotten like how I made you smile
You want me to love you unconditionally
But I can't expect the same for me
I hurt you, and yes I deserve to pay
But when will love returned come my way?
You make me cry on your command
When I should smile when you hold my hand
To force it out of you
Is not what I want to do
But say if there's a chance that you'll be mine
Or if I'm just wasting my time

Re: Invis

It makes me giggle how simple you think I am
You refer to my prototype blueprints as foiled plans
Tee-hee
Let's play hide and seek
You're not invisible, just transparent with the oddest shade of pink
I remember you used to love the way I think
But the past is nothing but compiled spent up time
That we pass today with
Don't be too cocky just because I let you hold the wheel
I just wanted to know where you'd lead me
And you parked the car on expectation hill
Got out and left the e brake off
Slid down and crashed, went up like a Molotov
Cocktail
My tales might doze you off to sleep
But I just do that to sneak a kiss on your cheek

Really Is..

What a shame
The greatest love I've ever felt
Resorted to a poetry war
Directly indirect
This is not about you
But it sounds so familiar
We don't want to spice things up, just chill
But we keep making it bitter
The mess I made will not soon be forgotten
But I came back twice because I haven't forgotten
About how everything you said made my smile grow wider
And every step I take is worth a hundred dollars
I wish I could feel like I did before
When we curled up in the hotel bathroom floor
Do you remember?
When you would never let go
While we slept in until the sun would show
Now it feels like I don't fit your mold
I pulled away when it's your hand I want to hold
And now you're thinking twice about keeping me
Weeping me, sitting on the curb because I can't see
How I could be the one keeping anyone from "me being me"
You want me to care, but you don't want me to ask
You want to move forward but all you do is push me back on the wall
I guess I deserve it all
Tell me how happy you would be if I wasn't here
And how your next will whisper in your ear
And I know I'll learn to be happy without you too
But I'll never admit that to you

Taboo

I kiss your lips
Instantaneous combustion
I know I just answered your every question
Don't worry, it's just you and me
Playing along with every man's fantasy
But like I said
It's just the two of us
I don't see the need for the pin us
If you know what I mean
Trying out all the clips that we've seen
Just remember you're the star of this scene
Apply the right force to pull your hair
You should know I'm not that into underwear
On you
It's no longer taboo
Love is tattooed on my fingertips
Let me sink love into you

Leila

Beautiful and confident
Heaven sent, hell bent
Starved of love and affection
Glutton for anyone's attention
The scent of her hair can make angels cry
She speaks and makes the scholars ask why
She sings the words to me
But she doesn't have her own melody
Decisive when going too fast a pace
Indecisive when right stares her in the face
She dances like candle light
She speaks like she's always right
She asks but doesn't want an answer
She won't work on now but wants forever
She'll fall in love and push you away
And she's not even done for today

Potion

Baby
Something I need to ask from you
Let me lose myself in you
Like a sock at the laundromat
Like aimlessly walking, and I don't know where I'm at
Snorkeling in your personality
The sun shines into your sea
And your heart projects a spectrum of color
You make me see myself clearer than any mirror
When you're gone I'm locked outside, incomplete
Like I tried all the keys and none of them fit
It still amazes me when it's my name you mention
My soul gets thrown in all direction
It's not my intention to lose all recollection
I forgot about my past when I took a sip of your potion

Done Floating in Space

I'm just on a mission
Not to outerspace
Love, let's focus on our space
The distance between you and me
Is like a blinding scream
Of light
Turned on in the darkest night
Let's collide like plateaus
Teach you things you don't know
Show you things
A thousand sunsets can't show
My love is like the star you're gazing on
It'll be there for you long after I'm gone
Our song is a snowflake falling
On the tip of your nose
Nobody has to know
But there's no reason to hide it either
You can't avert your gaze from a supernova
I can't wait to see you
Meet you
Like how the ocean embraces the sand
Lightning storms fabricated from holding your hand
Electromagnetic forces draw me to your sea
Still waiting for the day you come around for me

Villain

Tick tock
I want to destroy the world
60 seconds flying
You don't really feel alive until you know you're dying
See it's not just your world, it's mine too
And I want you to try to stop me
Take a ride on my insanity
Let me dance around your misery
Give you something to fight for
Play on your weaknesses until you scorn me
I'm a new breed of villain
I don't have to hide my face from anyone
I don't need a secret lair
My schemes materialize from air
And you breathe it in
Hopelessly addicted to my euphoric toxin
Aimlessly rolling about on my path of destruction
Are you a hero?
Or just over-qualified on a recon mission?
See, I don't need minions to do my bidding
I can twist your world while I'm just here sitting
Run after me, look for me, realize my reasons
I'll let you be the hero, and I'll be the villain
If that's what it takes to get your attention

In a world that demands YOU have low self-esteem

Wake up. Realize what you're worth.

Why do some people break you down? It's because they know you're worth
more than you are aware of. And with their selfish ways, they feel the
need to pound your self-esteem down so low to fool you into believing
that you can't do better than them. If someone as dirty as that can see
that you deserve better than them, why can't you?

Being with someone shouldn't be hard, especially if you're only dating.
If you don't like how someone is treating you, really, you don't have to
put up with it. Don't believe that with the millions of people in this
city alone, you should settle for this bullshit.

Simple rules.
Unless you're into that kind of stuff, don't date someone who initially
comes up to you with the notion that you're a slut or sex object.
Especially if he/she so freely expresses it. The depth of your
relationship with that person can only go so far.

Learn how to say no and mean it. If you don't feel comfortable about
doing something, say no with conviction and authority in your voice and
with the least amount of explanation possible. It's all about respect.
How can you expect to find love in a relationship with someone who
doesn't think highly of you?

And no matter what anyone says, you should never have to hide who you
really are. If you can be a bitch, be a bitch. If you're a lil creepy
and have stalker tendencies, shit, go ahead, some people are into that.
Be you 24/7, because it's less stress on you, and really.. You can't
hold the real you in forever. The older you get, the less time you
should be willing to waste on being fake.

Never beg. Have some self-worth.

And that's about it for my thoughts of the day.

-G

Rain on L.A.

Storm clouds over LA
I'm ready, rain come my way
Let your first drops sizzle on the asphalt
Wash away the evidence of the assault
On humanity last night
Hold on to my loved ones
Whisper "everything is alright"
When it isn't
Rain down on us
No one should ever be used to
Bullet shells and gunshots

So I Guess I'm Back

I have been doing a lot of things in my absence, but I'm bored enough to write here again.  Maybe it's just perfect timing, because things have been left hanging in the air, and all of them are about to unfold.. leaving me with no necessity for a big catch-up post. I can just tell you about it as we go along.

My friend, Stephan, left for Europe today on vacation. Weird enough, that made me feel clostrophobic. Being stuck here, not experiencing the world like I want to. I lost my Green Card, you see, and I just sent out my replacement application recently.. so my European adventures will have to wait.  I wonder if the rest of the world is happier than we are here in the United States. I would love to find out. I hope the answer is yes.

Arguments

Quick stabs
Unrelenting lightning jabs
One-liners cut more precise
Deeper
Hit pressure points you can ice later
Damage control
Want to be whole
But sometimes you just have to roll
With spikes in your stomach all day
Think of more hurtful things to say
But don't step out of line
Just tread on it
Then take it back when you've had it
Up to here
And had enough of things to hear
And then sets in the fear
Hurry
Apologize for the quick stabs
You wouldn't really want to lose
What you have

Check

123

Taste of My Own Medicine

It tastes bitter as it goes down
Aftertaste of confusion found
All I want is to be with you
I won’t be fine if you don’t want to
Please
Let me through your wall
You pull away, and then I fall
I don’t like this state that I am in
A taste of my own medicine

Not Used To It

There's no mistake, I'm in love with you
And I know, misery is what we're used to
But it's like going against nature naturally
We're born to struggle, but with you I feel free
Can't we just forget about the past?
I'd like to be brand new at last
Because I don't feel like I deserve to smile
But fuck it, I won't question it, I won't deny
I feel as insecure as you
I've never been this happy too
But if being out of place is the cost
Then let's rendezvous at the Bureau of Lost

Fuck it, I'm in love.

I'm happy, why is it harder to write?
Just let me compare you to the moonlight
So bright, you make darkness non-existent
Rising the tide so the land ain't so distant
Love is the way I look at you
Look at me, read my eyes true boo
Refreshing like a Red Headed Slut
I want you more than waiting an hour for some Pizza Hut
With the munchies, you make me feel like brand new money
Unspent energy all day, burned up when it's just you and me
Honestly, even if they're on the other side of the door
We can unwind in the privacy of the bathroom floor
My hands are made to relieve your stress
I won't ever use them to oppress and possess
I love how we obsess about the next time we meet
How you make me feel like I can never be offbeat
Because you'll beat on the drum in a whole new pattern
You make me want to one day own rings like Saturn
I ain't southern, but I say "yes ma'am," it's just factual
That I don't say the "n" word 'cause I think it's disrespectful
With you I feel like things can only get better
I expect nothing less from a couple of go-getta's
Room service, bathrobes, eating peaches and cream
Do Not Disturb sign on the door, don't care if they hear our screams
Who would've thought American Gangster can start a love story
Who says it's a bad first date if you watch a movie?
'Cause we hit it off like Barry Bonds all pumped up after a shot
And we defied all expectations anyone has forethought
I feel free like never ever setting off the alarms
Liberty is the feeling of being caught in your arms

Blind

I know this is not unconditional
We're just in the dark running into walls
More interested in protecting ourselves
Putting more trophies into our shelves
Best Comeback, Most Right Answers, Most Likely To Not Change
How many hurtful sentences are we willing to exchange?
I feel deranged
With how much of myself I've modified
Just so I can better fit the profile
So you would always have that smile
I can accurately say that I did change for the better
But I can't let go of me altogether
If you can't accept me for who I am right now
Then this won't work
I can't see how.

Partner

Woke up, you had the same clothes on
You had on last night
Hell yea you passed out
But you don't have to work so hard
Cuz every other Friday
You know they pass my check out

Got a computer desk waiting at work
Getting paid more than my job is worth
My momma said "Damn baby what's your net worth?"
But I didn't say shit though she put me on earth
Now everday I'm working nine to five
I pray to God thanking him for life
That I have my family and I have my man
I come home to you and you gotta understand

Hello beloved one
Do you know what I want?
Let me see your face once more
I don't need a provider
Come on let's hit the sheets tonight

Hello beloved one
Do you know what I want?
Let me see your face once more
I just need a partner
I just want to hold you tonight

You say you want to buy me the world
Pay my student loans
You don't have to but
Go ahead boo
You know I wouldn't be with a bum
Especially coming from where I'm from
I just need a companion babe
And I've got you

No one might have said this before
But I'll spoil you until you have a rotten core
New kicks, new gear, new whatever you want
As long as you drive, I'll be riding shot gun
We can share the bills, got each other's backs
GPS when you don't know where you're at
I don't want us to be another sap love story
Cuz real love does include how you share the money

Cardiogenic Shock

Holographic mist of false security
Unable to sustain even fictive empathy
Delusive expectations in a faithless trust
Would rather be ignored than recieve fake interest
Fake, faux, imitation, simulated care
Deceitful, counterfeited moments that weren't really there
Pros that make the day up, bromidic cons will kill
Why keep the resistance when the cause will make you ill

Magnificent

No, sorry I can't accept the sound
Of you saying that I think you're boring now
No baby boy, you must be out of your mind
When you know you catch me staring at you all the time
And I try to avert my gaze
I don't mean to stare, but you just amaze me
Every single day when you come home to me
You know you're the only man I see
Who's not a celebrity, haha
And even though you're no Kobe Bryant
You do things for me that the others haven't
You're not fluent in Italian
But you know how to talk to this woman
And when you bend over to pick something up
You know I'm there with a lil tap and cup
I'm not just being silly
I really do want you baby
And when I hug you, I hope you realize
That I think you surpass all the other guys
Baby you're the description of magnificent
You can count on me that I won't be transient
I'm here for the long run baby boy
I can see our relationship being as strong as titanium alloy
I'm still shocked that I have you
Can you imagine if I took a different route?
Just went on my way, threw that
Myspace message out?
Well I'm just glad I didn't
Your personality is so potent
It matches me perfectly
I want to get to that point where
You can't see you without me
When I look at you I see a man
Who will always take my hand
Show me how to rise above
Maybe one day we'll fall in love
But for today let's just be
And see that you make up so much of me

I wrote this when I was having a headache

We're the mistake of our parents
What's left of the God sent
The lazy afternoons
When mom and dad never went
We're what they never wanted us to be
Repeating in their history
But we will never know
Because "they don't even talk to me"
We're the followers of media
Intrinsic factor to the anemia
Sad how we need to supplement
Just so we can meet the quota
We're the rejects of expectation
Who makes up most of the nation
But we run with scissors in blindfolds
Inflicted with infected lesions
We're the ignored needy bastards
Famed for crashing your first car
Never praised for your art
But punished for bad report cards

Constant Pain

Sometimes I feel tired
Like my efforts are futile
Going on an uphill struggle
Against losing that smile
And my face just
Won't light up sometimes
And it would anger
Everyone I pass by
I don't mean to
That's the last thing I want to do
Let everyone down in
My spiraling tube
Of despair and the air
Becomes so thin
It escapes my lungs
Like it never went in
And they badger me
With questions, bombarded
With why won't you feel something
Maybe I'm emotionally retarded
And I can't help it
If I'm a dysfunctional optimist
Seen all the shit in the world
But still thinks love exists
For no reason
I think there shouldn't be one
Because if the reason goes away
Will the feeling be gone?
And my statements,
Man they all look like Swiss cheese
So many holes surround
My shaky hypotheses

My Baby

He bought me my first pair of J's
He got my taste in music swayed
Into more positive lyricists
And less ear numbing bass hits
Got me digging into my mind
About how we're to unwind on the weekend
And how to make what's not broke better
I just want a Stussy sweater
Because I know it'll make him want me more
I just want to go to the store
And find something for him to wear
So I can just rip it off him until he's in his underwear
I taught him about what you see doesn't matter
And he taught me about what you do, you should master
It's like nursing you know
There's always a higher understanding yo
We know what we do, and we're professionals
But hit Friday night, we live like the Beatles
Sitting in an English garden
My self-doubt is in prison, and he's the warden
He got me writing poetry about him
Got me letting go of my tough exterior for him
Opened my eyes to a world I ignored
Rock so hard, we broke the headboard
Got me wanting to be a trophy wife
With a brain to maintain the circle of life
He listens to my crazy ideas
About throwin' D's on my blouses
Uncontested dogmas
He asks why we don't hop those fences
Got me watching him when he gets ready for work
Mmm, when he puts on that tie and dress shirt
I just want to collate his documents
This feeling is so foreign I should be talking in an accent
My baby, he is the most positive motivating force
I'm a river of possibilities and he's my source
The catalyst for all my chemical reactions
Got me so hot that I feel like I'm molten
With just his touch, just his words, just his glance
Damn my baby got me believing in romance

Short because I don't have much to say

What do you see
When you look at me?
I have a big heart that makes me limp
That's why I have a swagger, not because I think I'm a pimp
And when I was in school, what do you see?
My sight doesn't stray, they're the ones cheating off of me.
Jack of all trades, they always say
But when will that royal flush come my way?

Pinwheel

Hey
You have always been my favorite one
And it hurts me to hear you say that you feel you're forgotten
You're kind of funny you know, your insecurities
They don't really reflect what I see
Actually
But if it's really how you feel
I'll ride it out with you like a tornado and a pinwheel
I'll be the shoulder, and the ear that you're missing
I'll be the critic to whatever you be thinking
Or better yet, I'll just be the wall you lean on
The audience to all your new born songs
Because I know you're there for me too
So stop being EMO and acting a fool
You're flying so high, and I'll catch up
We mesh together like fries and ketchup
So the next time you feel this way
You know who to call and where to stay
I mean, you're ma boy you know that
You're like the Benny to my Top Cat
Yea, I don't even think you've heard of that
And I'm still sitting here clickin on your website ads

Just Me.. being sprung like a chicken

You don't know how happy you make me
I know I don't seem excited all the time
But you touch me
I'm just not expressive, and I'm sorry
You truly are a blessing to me, baby
I'm still not used to knowing
That someone out there is always thinking
Of me
And every little thing I do
Affects you
And I may fail you sometimes
But I'm always willing to work on it
We may argue and try to scream and shout
But our happy days are what a relationship is all about
You would never just ignore me
Even though I know that would be easier
You'd rather talk things out until they're better
And I know I'm not the most graceful lady
I can't count how many times I've scratched
Or hit you accidentally
I'm sorry
And all the dreams you have, I'm in it
House by the beach, Laker game seats
Cruise to Hawaii, trip to Paris
I've never planned my life like this
Even though materialistic, it's really not
Because we both plan on sharing it
With people that matter to us
And when you write about me
I promise you will never be played out
Because I know there's always something
New we can talk about
And I love the person you are
You're my north star
You show me the way to my destination
You don't know it, but you're my inspiration
You're the water to my constipation
Haha, I just want to make you smile
You can choose to put up with me, and I'll make it worth your while
Because I might be lame and irresponsible sometimes
But you should know you occupy all my time and tight rhymes
And I think about you all the time, especially when the songs play
When I hear Coco Rosie, Lupe Fiasco and Kanye
Even when I go on KarmaLoop.com
I keep having flashbacks of coming home to you
Sights of making corned beef and rice
PB&J's and Cefiore on ice
And I may never look at a computer the same again
I'll always think about City of Heroes and Villains
I hope I can always make you happy
I'd love for the smile on your face be because of me
And when you reach for your own dreams
I'll be the sexy head cheerleader of your team
Not only that, I'll be the co-pilot
Make you lunch on whatever budget
I'll learn how to cook like Emeril
I can touch all the bases and time will be on a standstill
BAM!

What is it?

Love
Everyone's talking about it
How it makes you feel
How it makes you sweat
How it can break you like you're in debt
How it makes you crazy and make threats
It can make you hot and wet
And you STILL thank God that you met
Yet love;
You think you go through life
Finding that other
Someone who's gonna love you better
Than the one who led you on in banter
Than the one you almost took to the altar
But never gave you a solid answer
You can go and lose yourself in all the luster
But you still search for that one anchor
But love..
Why do you think
That after each relationship
You add on a new boundary
You say, "This time, no one can do this to me."
You turn your expectations up or down
So it'll suit your needs and not make you frown
Anymore.. It's not because you learn to love less
You just learn to love YOU more
So you draw a line in the sand
Ever changing with every man
But what is it, what do you call that instance
When you love one, and he gives enough distance
And he doesn't dare cross that line with prudence
Because he cares enough not to want to find out what will happen
If he does
Is that love?

Part of a poem I deleted by accident =\

I'm so afraid for you to see me without make up on
Will my scars and blemishes cause you to run?
I try so hard to seem perfect, that's my imperfection
And when you catch me flawed, I always have an objection
To what you are saying, even though you are right
I just don't want to be judged under the spotlight
I'll fold and you can call, I don't really mind at all
I just want to be in the background, you can be the wonderwall

Fake

Don't come any closer, I don't want you to see what I really am
I'm a hollographic image meant to shroud something unpleasant
Even though I was not aware of this before today
There's nothing much that I can do, especially nothing I can say
To excuse myself from acting and being like how I am right now
Yea, maybe you're too good for me, I see you sitting on a cloud
And I shouldn't be around you, but I'll do everything I can
Even though apparently I don't have an idea as to who I am
I didn't know that I was things that I shouldn't really be
And that I should be some things in order for me to be me
I don't know if that makes sense, but fuck it, this is my rant
I'll show you exactly what I do, and say whatever I fucking want
I'm a child, I like to play games like hide-and-seek
I might tell you a little lie everytime I get to speak
Caving in and not responding is something I have learned to do
But never fucking tell me if what I feel is pseudo-true
I'm ungrateful to my parents, and I blame them for my shit
I don't like who I'm turning out to be, I just can't stomach it
A few weeks ago, I thought I knew exactly who I am
But now all my views of myself are broken on the ground
And the new buildings that tower up are of negativity
And I can't help but wonder if this is really me

Selective Amnesia

She used to be my shining star, but it was hidden from the world
Because it just so happens they won't accept a girl who loves a girl
I used to love her, she was my best friend, until she proved to be a whore
Got broken by a man, chased after me, but I don't know her anymore

He used to make me laugh, we used to make plans for the future
We would name our son Jonathan, and Jasmine for our daughter
Until our parentals took us apart, and he went off for the war
He still talks to me now and then, but I don't know him anymore

Then a guy, I was not aware, who was always in my life
We used to be together like a man does with a wife
But he took my love as a drug that he always had to score
Hurt me, so I had to leave, and I don't know him anymore

Then some guy who knew the ropes when it comes to women games
He was handsome and he knew it, and would always fuck with my brain
He could have used me for my body, but instead he wanted my soul
He still asks me out for coffee, but I don't know him anymore

No Rehab For Me

How could I just change like I did
I'm sorry baby, I was acting like a kid
It took me a minute to snap out of it
I just needed a glimpse of me before we've said what was said
And I apologize for acting like a girlfriend
You know what I mean, always trippin now and then
For little minute things, I almost got a picture of the end
I forgot that I was supposed to be your friend
Babe I'm still here riding til I die
I'll support your interests from working the earth to touching the sky
I can't wait for them to say, "hey there's that guy..."
The day will come when your greatness is realized
I'm still your girl, I will stay loyal to you
I just forgot that I was supposed to be your #2
You're agent #1, even though you're a nerd
You can always take revenge in my world
And I know you'll take this poem as a critic
So I just wish I can lend you my heart, have a feel for it
Because I don't want you to miss the intention
This might be my self-non-intervention
It's put me in the most welcomed awkward situation
I have dry mouth, but I can speak about it on and on and on
This drug that I am on, no not BCPs or E
It's my endulgence in Mr. D-U-C-K-E-T-T
And I don't ever wanna be sober
Nah-uh don't take me to rehab mister
I'll even hide in the sewer like a Ninja Turtle
I'm out of shape, but I'll jump every hurdle
I'll shout to the world, pray they'll hear every single word I said
Anything that I can do, so you'll never again feel unappreciated

What were we on?